Schizoanalyst is…

-A (trustful) commune of (non-suspicious) intelligentsia just advocating for working-class interests.

-A reliable outlet for understanding your impalpable Rage Against the Machine. (See also: Corporatization, and Cultural Materialism)

-A state-funded fleet of social workers using psychoanalysis to advise you on ‘becoming gay’ to treat your depression through a phone therapy session while you scramble to erect tarps to cover your bitcoin mine from a ceiling leak, in order to catch up on rent for your mould ridden, inoperable, slum flat, digitally leased from abroad by Chinese cyber-firm, “Smith & Jones”.

-Seventeen sopping layers left-Accelerationist ‘irony’, sheathed in obscure, migraine inducing, ideology.

-Using legal groundwork for applying corporate personhood to transition humans into multinational conglomerates. (See also: Dartmouth College v Woodward)

-The ATF issuing an arrest-warrant for visiting ‘badassassassintorrents.net’ to pirate Alessandra Mussolini’s 1982 J-pop album in the year 2019.

-Your struggle to remove the Liveleak watermark and re-upload (and monetize) a GoPro capture of a refugee boat exploding, to ‘raise awareness on social media’.

-Your mother sharing a George Orwell quote to fight against nonspecific ‘extremism’.

-The clandestine use of academia to gradually degrade a functional praxis by obsessing on irrelevant findings made in peripheral sub-fields interpreting unrelated issues as somehow being central to praxis, in order to gate-keep a movement’s protagonists to the point of total inaccessibility. (See also: Blanquism, David Graeber’s ‘Bullshit Jobs’, Obscurantism)

-Alex Jones interviewing Noam Chomsky. (This did happen)

-Construction of a superstructure without base.

-A much older Malcolm McDowell being brainwashed like in Clockwork Orange, but replaced with (Youtube Featured) Elsagate videos.

-Fear.

-Your Grade 12 History teacher explaining National Socialism.

-The depressing (and probably real) mental image of 8 Washed up Howard Stern staff huddling around a heated coke spork, in a one-person apartment, watching Stephen Colbert ‘debunk pizzagate’ on the Tonight Show through the fluorescent blue haze of a previously junked 2004 RCA television.

-Your Id exploiting an anime obsession to justify eight years spent attaining a joint-doctorate in “Critical Theory & Communication Studies”, formulating the thesis “Predictive Validity of Futanari in the Context of Contemporary American Culture: Transposing Anime as an Adaptation of the Western Comic“.

-Citing Keemstar as a source in your bibliography.

-A PR firm advising Toyota, on the odd abundance of mint Hilux and Land Cruisers used in Syria, to respond “We can’t explain it.”

-The Bluray DVD main menu of 2006’s “Scary Movie 4” stuck on a loop for three thousand years. (See also: List of Weinstein Company films)

-Malcolm Gladwell tweeting about brutalist architecture from ‘Jeff’s’ bathroom during a drunken breakdown at 2015 Washington Post Christmas party.